


The downside of commercials

by thechibibakaduo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:44:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechibibakaduo/pseuds/thechibibakaduo
Summary: How did Voldemort learn to fly in book 7?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything besides the madness required to write this.

Tom Marvolo Riddle was a little bit nervous. This was his first flying lesson in Hogwarts. He had grown up at a muggle orphanage thus he had no idea how to ride broom.

'Good morning, students' the teacher welcomed them.

'Good morning, professor'

'Today we are going to learn the basics of how to ride a broom. Step to your brooms and say 'UP'. Firmly so it's going to listen to you' the professor instructed them.

Some students started to shout with varying resoults.

'UP' exclaimed Riddle with stern(ish) voice. However, the broom was stubbornly still. 'UP' he said once again, now more impatient. 'Up! Up! UP!!!' Still nothing.

'Riddle, don't be afraid of that broom' the teacher said while walking behind Tom.

'Professor, I'm not afraid. I think the problem is that this broom is broken' Tom said respectfully.

'The broom is fine Riddle' the teacher sighed 'Don't be silly, just join the others and try not to fall off your broom' then she left Tom to help theother students.

Tom, being a good student he was, picked up the broom and walked over to the others. They had to sit on and fly a few rounds then land safely. Tom easily took off and he had no problem with flying in circles. The problem arose when he had to land. He didn't really feel the speed so he met the ground at around 50 km/h. The world went dark....

 

\-----

 

About 60 years passed and the now adult (old) Lord Voldemort still had problems with brooms and flying which was a problem considering their plan to eliminate Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. Voldie had only one problem with the brat: he was the boy who LIVED. The little wimp managed to escape death every time. Was it the boy's luck or Voldie's love of monologues, we'll never know.

The plan was to kill or at least kidnap the kid while the Order of Flying Chicken tried to move him from his muggle relatives. Snape dutyfully shared the date so it wouldn't be a problem, except the Death Eaters should be able to fly because the Order would use flying vehicles such as brooms. Of course the success of a plan depends on the boss, right? Because if he was there there would be order (ironic) and thus success. However, he couldn't for his life ride broom and he was not about to be laughed at at any cost.

'Oh, it's easy really,' he thought. 'I just have to look it up in the library. I'm not going to use a broom, I'm going to find a better and more elegant way of flying' And with that he stormed off to the library.

\-----

He was sitting his arse square at the library and nothing. There was nothing that could work. He was about to throw a tantrum, killing spree and all but fortunately he managed to calm down. He had other things to take care of. He sat down on his throne and summoned the Inner Circle.

'Welcome' he started when everybody arrived. 'I want to place Death Eaters at Hogwarts. Severus, any ideas?'

'My Lord,' a masked figure said 'I think it would be wise to place someone to teach an assumedly unimportant subject.'

'Nice idea, do they still teach Muggle Studies?'

'Yes, My Lord'

'Then I'm going to kidnap her and kill her' Voldie stated with poker face and was about to leave the room.

'But, My Lord,' Bellatrix exclaimed 'You shouldn't tire yourself we can....'

'I wouldn't even let you tie my shoes my dear Bella'

'My Lord' Bellatrix was about to cry.

'Well then, I'm off' Voldie said and disapparated.

\----

The Dark Lord couldn't believe his luck. He solved the broom problem. And above all he found the solution in muggle house. When he arrived at the Muggle Studies professor's living room the professor was watching 'television'. He stunned the poor woman and was about to leave when he heard:

'Red Bull gives you wiiiings'

(Everything that happened after should be considered... magic)


End file.
